City Declares War On Ethiopia

Dear Readers,

The Good Intentions Paving Co. wrapped up its most current roadwork project at the July 31 city council meeting. The intentions used in this work were the finest: outreach to the city’s Ethiopian-immigrant community and service to human rights and democracy. The workers laying the pavement were the city councilmembers themselves. The road led to a simple resolution in favor of US House Bill 5680, which calls for human rights and democracy in Ethiopia. It was intended to be a quick and quiet sidetrip from the usual business of the city council.

In case you do not follow the news from Ethiopia, dear Readers, the current regime is currently in favor of rights – it’s own – over those of the dead and imprisoned bodies of its opposition.

The resolution was introduced by councilmember Terry Seamens, whose heart is always in the right place, though in this instance his heart was in a cab on the way to the right place, but the cab driver took a meandering route and got lost in a bad neighborhood – all the time describing the terrible things happening in his home country.

It was one of those quick “courtesy” resolutions, the sort of thing the city likes to do to buff the shine on its reputation. A few Ethiopian immigrants showed up during the resolution’s phases: the introduction, the first hearing, and the second hearing, and they expressed gratitude to the city, to the United States, and democracy. It was a scene Norman Rockwell might have painted and titled “First Taste of Free Speech”, as these folks stood before the council and in sometimes halting English described the terrible things happening in their home country.

Your Gilbert got the impression the council members were thinking that, sure, this was taking a few moments out of their already tedious meeting schedule, but it was a worthy cause and they were a little touched by it all, and even a bit proud of themselves. Council eyes were misty.

Then came the July 31 council session, the final vote on the resolution, and the audience was PACKED, dear Readers! It seems not all

Ethiopian immigrants agree on this issue. Some of them think the government back home is getting a bum rap. As speaker after speaker arose to make pretty much the same points and counterpoints over and over it began to look as if this particular road of good intentions was headed straight for Meeting Hell. The councilmembers’ misty eyes took on a more steely glint. The mayor, with increasing sternness, appealed a number of times to the crowd to refrain from repeating what previous speakers had already said.

The crowd was slow to take the hint. Your Gilbert supposes there are not many public venues in America to discuss Ethiopian politics, so these people, bless them, had driven in from all over the region to say their piece and that’s just what they were going to do, by gawd, even if the nice lady at the front of the room who kept glancing at the clock felt she had to say something-or-other in between their speeches.

Finally, however, the hint was taken and crowd ceased speechifying to the council. Instead they started speechifying to each other. Eventually, they took the loud discussion outside because that lady kept interrupting them and she wasn’t being quite so nice any more. Strange Americans, they act like they are your friends, then they act irritated at you for no reason at all.
The resolution did pass, by the way.

– Gilbert

PS: There is a technical problem with posting comments. Your Gilbert can’t even post comments here! If you have comments, please e-mail them to: and we’ll get them up on the site somehow!

Our City Council is taking sides on issues in Ethiopia? If we declare ourselves against the Ethiopian government, where does this put us when the Islamic jihadists now in charge of much of Somalia declare war on Ethiopia? Do we become de facto allies of the Somalian Islamic jihad, which is already in conflict with the UN-supported transitional government of Somalia (which is also backed by our City’s nominal ally, the United States of America)?

And once we ally ourselves with the Somalian Islamic jihad, are we also allies of their sponsor, Al Queda? Do we eventually link up with Hezbollah? Do we need a City Clerk for Foreign Relations? Will we be invaded and occupied by US troops? Is our insurgency prepared for this?

In any event, perhaps the Ethiopian community has taught the City Council a lesson.


About the Author

Gilbert is the pseudonym of a hard-bitten, hard-drinking, long-time Takoma Park resident who maintains the granolapark blog. Gilbert and William L. Brown — Granola Park's mild-mannered chief of staff, researcher, and drink pourer — have never been seen in the same place at the same time.