Boobs

Dear Readers,

While the City Council is on vacation, Gilbert’s wondering attention has been drawn to an issue outside Takoma Park, but affecting us all.
Today, they are “honoring” a guy who for thirty years commuted 50 miles from Accokeek to Rockville across the Wilson Bridge. The honor they have bestowed is to let him push the plunger to blow up the old bridge.

We’re supposed to feel sympathy for this boob’s commuter suffering. If you ask me, they should blow him up with the bridge. Here’s a guy who for THIRTY YEARS has been contemplating the following choice: “Hmm, should I: 1) MOVE CLOSER TO MY JOB and save on gas, time, wear-and-tear on my vehicle, and stress, or 2) Commute 90 minutes each way across a notoriously crowded DRAWBRIDGE subject to LONG DELAYS? Gee, I think I’ll take #2, that sounds SO MUCH BETTER!”

In his and other commuters’ twisted reasoning, the suffering he underwent as a result of this stupid choice, is not HIS fault, it’s the BRIDGE’S fault! The problem, they conclude, is that the bridge just isn’t big and fast enough to expedite their selfish, fat rear-end’s sole-occupied vehicle to its distant daily destination.

No, all you selfish, fat rear-ends out there, the problem is YOU. And now, thanks to you, we have a bigger, faster bridge that will encourage more boobs to make a 50 mile commute. That, of course, will increase traffic, which will slow and frustrate commuters, who will again call for an even bigger, faster bridge.

This is the mentality that brought us the ICC. This is the mentality that welcomes development to upper Montgomery County. This is the mentality that wants to widen the Beltway. This is the mentality that is dragging all of us deeper into traffic-choked, suburban-sprawled, global-warming hell.

– Gilbert.

About the Author

Gilbert
Gilbert is the pseudonym of a hard-bitten, hard-drinking, long-time Takoma Park resident who maintains the granolapark blog. Gilbert and William L. Brown — Granola Park's mild-mannered chief of staff, researcher, and drink pourer — have never been seen in the same place at the same time.

1 Comment on "Boobs"

  1. Hey Gilbert,
    I’m wondering if you could help publicize the Voice Voters’ Guide.
    You can view it at
    http://www.takoma.com/votersguide2006.html or
    http://www.silverspringvoice.com/votersguide2006.html.
    The section compiles:
    -links to voter info sites for our state and districts
    -links to candidate websites for all the key races that affect our readers
    -the candidates’ responses to the in-depth questionnaires we sent them
    about the issues
    -links to the online video of the recent Candidate Forums (Yes- you can
    watch the debates online!)
    -convenient links to archived Voice articles on the candidates, the races
    and the issues.
    We have been updating the voters’ guide every day.
    New links and candidate responses will continue to be added right up until
    election day. (If you have a link suggestion, please send it to editor@takoma.com.)
    Please pass on these links to your friends and neighbors. Don’t wait ’til
    you get to the polls to decide!
    Thanks.
    Eric Bond
    publisher, Takoma Voice, Silver Spring Voice

Comments are closed.