The Rattie – Nominations Open

Dear Readers,
The Takoma Park city council meeting will be well covered elsewhere, no doubt, as it votes for a resolution tonight (July 23) in favor of impeaching the President and Vice President of the United States.
Also, no doubt there will be the usual round of smirking articles about Takoma Park, based on previous smirking articles, written by smirky lazybones who only get their information from what other smirky lazybones have written. Your Gilbert will bestow the Rattie Award upon whichever writer serves up the most warmed-over Takoma Park stories and stereotypes with the biggest smirk.

Those would include: the infamous rat story, the untrue rumor that gas mowers are banned in the city, descriptions of Motocat (the long deceased motorcycle-riding cat), freeroaming roosters, voting rights for aliens, and terms such as: “Berkley East”, “stuck in the sixties,” “aging hippies,” “Birchenstock-wearing,” references to vegan/vegetarian diet, and of course, “Nuclear Free Zone.”
Dear Readers, send in your nominations!


About the Author

Gilbert is the pseudonym of a hard-bitten, hard-drinking, long-time Takoma Park resident who maintains the granolapark blog. Gilbert and William L. Brown — Granola Park's mild-mannered chief of staff, researcher, and drink pourer — have never been seen in the same place at the same time.

4 Comments on "The Rattie – Nominations Open"

  1. This comment from a Dear Reader:
    “How about a new reference: ‘Future World Headquarters of Tie-Dyed Depends.'”

  2. I nominate “The Steve Francis Story – Local Boy Becomes Hero”, and role model, multi-millionaire, and gives back to the community that nurtured him.
    “I’m going to build a gym for kids at risk in my community, keep them off the streets, out of trouble… like this city kept me out of trouble and made me the man I am today.”
    Oh wait, he changed his mind.
    “Takoma Park? I was raised in Houston.”

  3. Tucker Carlson wins the Rattie, hands down. “Berkeley East.” Check.
    Then there’s this: “Some years ago, when Takoma Park declared itself a nuclear free zone, there was some concern that Takoma Park was going to create an army or a militia or something and, kind of, strike out on its own. Is that—in the cards?”
    He closes with a question about the “fairness” of Nancy Pelosi becoming President if Bush and Cheney are removed. The unflappable Mayor Porter replies that “That’s what it says in the Constitution; I didn’t make that decision.” Kathy Porter played a great straight woman to Carlson’s bufoon throughout.
    Here’s the link:

  4. Yes, Tucker Carlson may be in the lead. See above.
    The Washington Post’s Dan Morse is not far behind. Even Fox News has a straighter, more even handed news story than Morse’s Post article.
    Compare the LAST paragraph in the Fox story with the FIRST paragraph in the Post’s
    Fox: “Takoma Park, a city of about 18,000 people on the Washington border in Montgomery County, has a history of liberal but largely symbolic causes. In the 1980s, the city declared itself a nuclear free zone, meaning the city can’t invest in businesses connected to the manufacture of nuclear weapons.”
    Post: “Over the years, Takoma Park has declared itself a nuclear-free zone, established an immigrant sanctuary law and written a 5,000-word manual for its trash and award-winning recycling programs.”
    What does a 5000 word manual have to do with anything, other than to set a smirky tone?
    Actually, Takoma Park comes off better than Kensington, MD in another Post article by Dan Morse, about a person selling pro-impeachment buttons in the Kensington farmers market. It starts off, “The left-leaning town of Kensington would seem fertile ground for Alan McConnell to peddle his little green buttons.”
    The “left-leaning” town of Kensington? This conjurs images of Communist Party cell meetings in the back rooms of those shops on Antique Row. A crowd of Madame Defarge wanna-be’s lining up for supplies at the knit shop.
    Oh, but read on.
    “In further left-leaning Takoma Park, which voted 88.9 percent for Sen. John F. Kerry (D) in 2004, the City Council will consider a resolution Monday urging the Maryland congressional delegation to pursue Bush’s impeachment.”
    Whoa! “further” left leaning! Meaning KERRY VOTERS! Goodness, even Kensingtonites wouldn’t go so far as to vote for such a leftist revolutionary as KERRY!
    Ah, yes, the good old Post, it’s finger (or other sensitive part) carefully following the most tepid currents of the mainstream, while at the same time disdainful of people, places, and events in direct proportion to their distance from the White House Press Room.

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