After long, thoughtful, thorough consideration, Your Gilbert has made the momentus and historical decision to throw our hat in the ring. Yes, we are putting forward our name as a candidate for city office.
The other candidate will say it is too late, that the election was yesterday. This is a cowardly thing to say! Obviously our opponent is afraid to face us! Fear is an ugly thing, and so is our opponent! But, we won’t stoop to the same name calling and mud slinging tactics of the other side.
We waste no time on introductions, we know we are already beloved by all. Let us get straight to the campaign platform, a platform based on good old Takoma Park values!
1). Annex the Takoma Metro station to the city. Turn the grounds into a wetlands.
2). Seize all State Highway Administration roads and Montgomery County schools, parks, and other property and facilities.
3). Establish the Takoma Park School District. Abolish grades, magnet and honors programs, and all other competitive, non-egalitarian, oppressive systems.
4). Demand the county and state rebate all our tax money to run, maintain, and improve our schools, roads, and parks.
5). Pass Mortgage Stabilization laws on the same principles as our Rent Stabilization ordinances.
6). Convert the city community center so it can be turned into a shopping mall in the evening hours.
7). Rename the Takoma Park Community Center Sam Abbott Citizens Center “City Hall.” Add “Sam Abbott Citizens Center” below.
8). Keep the hospital no matter what it takes! But, when we lose it, turn the building into a gym.
Vote Yesterday for Gilbert Today!
— Your Gilbert
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