Duck Duck Goose

Dear Readers,
Hundreds of city residents were not thrown out of work in the local foie-gras industry, and thousands of ducks and geese were not subsequently freed to roam Takoma Park’s streets in the wake of the city council’s resolution to ban, . . . er, impose, . . . no, . . . “oppose,” that’s it, oppose the production of foie gras, and instruct, . . . correction, that’s “encourage” city residents not to purchase any. No city grocery stores and gourmet shops were shuttered, their employees were not arrested, nor were they charged with animal cruelty.


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And once again the city council has burnished the resumes of animal rights activists with a meaningless accomplishment. Getting the Takoma Park city council to pass a toothless resolution on animal rights is easier than stealing candy from a baby – it’s more like giving candy to a baby.

Why is Your Gilbert so hard on animal rights activists, or “beastie-borgs” as we affectionately call them? Because we know from experience that they respond like a robot army to any hint of criticism, and we expect the comment section to be flooded with screeds of humorless outrage. This will give the impression that granolapark is widely read and full of lively controversy.

They burnish their resumes, Your Gilbert burnishes his.

– Gilbert.

About the Author

Gilbert
Gilbert is the pseudonym of a hard-bitten, hard-drinking, long-time Takoma Park resident who maintains the granolapark blog. Gilbert and William L. Brown — Granola Park's mild-mannered chief of staff, researcher, and drink pourer — have never been seen in the same place at the same time.

6 Comments on "Duck Duck Goose"

  1. Tom Gagliardo | July 3, 2008 at 10:55 am |

    Mon Dieu! C’est ne pas vrai.

  2. Steve Davies | July 3, 2008 at 3:39 pm |

    That’s the first time I’ve agreed w/ you completely, Gilbert.
    wait…
    how do I delete this…?
    oh s– it’s online!

  3. Rocky Colavito | July 3, 2008 at 8:49 pm |

    You really don’t know what you’re talking about and don’t understand the situation at all. The city has no intention of letting ducks and geese roam wildly in the streets. Do you think we haven’t thought this through?
    We’ re going to release them in Frederick. Like we did with the rats, 20 years ago. Do your research next time, Gilbert.

  4. Harvey Kuenn | July 3, 2008 at 8:52 pm |

    A curse on you Rocky!

  5. The council could burnish their resumes by passing resolutions (with teeth this time) to ban plastic bags, the sale of water bottles, and gas-powered lawn mowers.

  6. If city council spent as much time working on the serious issues facing our city, such as those Roscoe mentions as well as trimming the budget, reducing the impact of real estate taxes in a time of declining home value, and improving the quality and quantity of city services, as it does on debating and passing toothless, meaningless legislation, just think how well off we all might be in TKPK.

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