Terror on Carroll Avenue

by ERIC BOND

Beautiful October Saturday. Perfect for a leisurely bike ride to the Food Co-op for a dozen crisp apples.

But as I roll up Woodland Ave., I spot a stealthy figure, clad in black and wielding a sword. A ninja! Right here in Takoma Park.

I carefully lock my bike and shadow the assassin, hoping that I can avoid drawing attention my way. I need to find out if my beloved Takoma Park is in danger.

Then I see them. Hundreds of disreputable characters: pirates, vampires, zombie princesses, and anthropomorphic animals milling about the Takoma Junction lot. Were they gathered for the purpose of claiming the lot for themselves before the city can finalize its development plans? I had to find out.

I soon felt relief when I saw that several superheroes had preceded me and were, undoubtedly keeping an eye on the mass of criminals and walking dead. I tried my best to secretly photograph the crowd in order to warn my neighbors that something evil is definitely afoot.

After some time, the menacing gang gathered en masse and stormed Old Takoma, where they blocked traffic and continued their revelry in the street, as if they already own it. Forcing local musicians—the Grandsons—to provide entertainment, the horde scoured the area and quickly secured all loose pieces of candy.

By late afternoon, high on sugar and western swing, the group dispersed.

Neighbors, I warn you. As they were leaving, I heard a hideous swamp creature remark to a field mouse of gigantic proportions that they plan to return on Friday of this week for more candy.

Stock up… or woe!

In other news: Waldo has been found. The United Nations has officially called off the worldwide search.

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